Hooray 2014!

Yes, you've read it right, I am rejoicing not because a little more days and it's new year but because this year gave me lots of things to be thankful for. Although it's a rough start, this year taught me to be patient and that some wishes are granted in due time.

Thank you 2014!

I'm feeling 22!

Celebrated my birthday with people who matter most.

Thanks to my man for making the day extra special. ^^

Uplifting Soundtracks

Music sometimes can give the consolation we need. We get ourselves carried away by the song where we find what we wanted to say or what we needed to hear. And when times get tough these are some of my favorite songs I play on my mind, listen to or sing with all my heart.

By Your Side
-Tenth Avenue North-

Lyrics:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away 

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life 
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...

~

One Step At A Time

-Jordin Sparks-

Lyrics:

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting


When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

~

It's Gonna Make Sense

-Micheal Learns To Rock-

Lyrics:

Life comes in many shapes
You think you know what you got
until it changes

And life will take you high and low
you gotta learn how to walk
and then which way to go

Every choice you make
when you're lost
Every step you take
has it's cause

[Chorus:]
After you clear your eyes
you'll see the light
somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
you'll feel the sun comes
and though it seems your sorrow never ends
someday its gonna make sense

Tears you shed are all the same
when you laughed 'till you cried
or broken down in pain

All the hours you have spent in the past
worrying about
a thing that didn't last

Everything you saw
played a part
in everything you are
in your heart

[Chorus:]
After you clear your eyes
you'll see the light
somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
you'll feel the sun comes
and though it seems your sorrow never ends
someday its gonna make sense

~

With a Smile
-Eraserheads-

Lyrics:

Lift your head, baby, don’t be scared

Of the things that could go wrong along the way

You’ll get by with a smile

You can’t win at everything but you can try.

Baby, you don’t have to worry

‘Coz there ain’t no need to hurry

No one ever said that there’s an easy way

When they’re closing all their doors

And they don’t want you anymore

This sounds funny but I’ll say it anyway.

Girl I’ll stay through the bad times

Even if I have to fetch you everyday

I’ll get by if you smile

You can never be too happy in this life.

In a world where everybody

Hates a happy ending story

It’s a wonder love can make the world go round

And don’t let it bring you down

And turn your face into a frown

You’ll get along with a little prayer and a song.

(Too doo doo…)

Let me hear you sing it

(Too doo doo…)

In a world where everybody

Hates a happy ending story

It’s a wonder love can make the world go round

But don’t let it bring you down

And turn your face into a frown

You’ll get along with a little prayer and a song.

Lift your head, baby, don’t be scared

Of the things that could go wrong along the way

You’ll get by with a smile

Now it’s time to kiss away those tears goodbye

(Too doo doo…)

Let me hear you sing it

(Too doo doo...)

~

Words Unspoken: In A State of Solitude

I always had that wish of leaving this place and living by myself even just for a month in a place where nobody knows me. The feeling has never been this stronger. Every now and then, one has the right to give oneself time to breath, to clear the mind and the heart and bring peace to the soul even a little bit against the forces that makes one's life struggling. To walk a different road, get lost in the crowd, think deeply as I stroll - but as circumstances are unfavorable, it will always remain as a wish.

I'm still a captive of that first one big failure I made more than a year ago. While others are making their way to the life they've always wanted, filling and achieving their bucket list, I was stranded. Dreams I could only dream, still beyond my reach. All that I have prayed for nothing has ever happened new, better, only negatively tough situations. More than a year, still I wasn't ready or I'M.NOT.GIVING.MY.BEST. 

They say good things come to those who wait. I keep waiting. I've been very patient. Joy comes when given the chance. But while a flicker of light could suddenly fill me with hope, the gust of the wind may not be onto my side. Slowly, light begins to fade away. I thought. I hoped. I waited. I'm back to the cycle. I'm about to face misery. I find myself doing the same things everyday. I was stuck in a loop. I start to not look forward tomorrow. I had nothing to anticipate.  Hope dies and there is no chance in waiting either in hoping. It was long enough.

People meant pain.

I believed that people who know me will understand or at least try to. I believed. Even if I knew they won't. And I was a fool for doing so. I should have kept in my mind that I will always be the one to pat my head and tell myself to believe in me. It pained me that I couldn't help my family be better but what cuts me deep is the fact that they tell me things that would make me feel heavy. Before, I would take things lightly and stayed cheerful. Now I dare not say anything. I don't have the right to complain and demand. They really don't understand any of what I've been going through. The nights when I couldn't sleep, times I've spent crying because I was so full of everything that I can't even show. Heavier than ever. I am near bursting and the only way I can prevent that from happening was to write about it. I've learned that sometimes you can't really depend much on people, to help and comfort you. Most of the time all you have is yourself. All that understands you is yourself. All that I can depend to was myself. 

I'm not great to be recognized, but at least I want to be appreciated for the little things I've done. It is as if all I did good was nothing now. I became a burden. They've expected much from me. I failed to meet them now. I am drowning in the pool of expectations from people all around me. And so they've attacked me at my weakness without knowing my strengths. Poor judgement from people who knew nothing but talked too much (if only these fellows knew how to look themselves in the mirror well, they'll see how rotten they are).But then I became ashamed of myself. I felt sorry for myself. I know my family is having a hard time talking to people who would ask about me. They're now ashamed of me too. I became a disappointment. My bed became my safest haven where I spent almost all of my time, my days. Only Sundays did I allow myself to breathe an air with people. I became afraid to show myself to the world like hiding in a cave where I can be safe from the monsters waiting outside. 

I am so down. There are so many things running through my mind. There is too much weight on my heart that these past days I can't anymore bear. I am so tired I lost interest on doing anything. Reading and writing loosen up a bit but there will still be a time that I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs on the top of a hill. I don't know when will this sadness subside. I sure know a thing, I need to do something to help myself. And when the time of my life that I've been praying for finally came, it will surely change everything, including this blog.